So Vulcans DO Blush Green
by tootapanga 1
Summary: Captain Kirk is annoyed with Spocks emotionless so he makes a little plan to get him drunk. good fun please read and review.
1. Part 1  I'm bleeding all over the place

_A/N__ ok so I'm pretty new to StarTreck and I haven't seen the series just the movie, and I loved it, you'd have to be crazy not. Anyway, so I've been reading StarTreck fanfic's like crazy so I decided to write one. Like I said, I'm new to StarTreck so please forgive any errors, but this is just for good fun._

_This is by no means a Kirk/Spock fic, I know there are allot of them out there, it's just one good friend playing a great joke on another. _

_Hope you enjoy and have a bit of a laugh. :D oh and please please review._

**Part 1 – Spock gets on Kirk's nerves.**

Jim was sick of it; he knew there was more to the pointy eared little gremlin than he cared to admit.

Jim didn't mind that he acted as if he were nothing more than a robot programmed to find the most logical safest and efficient course of action.

Jim didn't even mind that when he walked on to the bridge a little later than his shift, Spock would look at him and state simply 'You are 3.42 minutes late, are you ill?' Jim didn't even mind that when he played chess with Spock and went to make a move Spock would shake his head and mumble 'that tactic only has a 2.4% chance of success.' Jim even didn't mind when Spock openly questioned his judgment in front of others, causing Kirk much embarrassment

What really got on his nerves was when he was bleeding all over the bridge, his life threatening to fade, and Spock calmly carried him to the turbo lift handing him to McCoy.

His guts were falling out and Spock stood behind McCoy and slowly explained what had happened, without emotion, damned Vulcan.

Of course it was an emergency so Jim didn't exactly want Spock to break down and loose his cool, the thing that really annoyed Jim was when he woke up three days later and Spock didn't look relieved at all.

Spock was suppose to be Jim's friend... alongside Bones, Spock was Jim's best friend, and as the other Spock had told him on their last visit to New Vulcan, Jim was one of the few people that Spock truly regarded as a friend.

'You have awoken' Spock stated as Jim opened his eyes in an instant glare.

'Obviously' Jim mumbled.

'We were unsure as to your health, at one point I was concerned that you may not survive' Spock answered.

'So no welcome back to the land of the living party then?' Jim complained.

'You did not leave this realm' Spock replied.

'Spock you could pretend to be a little more happy about my waking up' Jim decided in annoyance.

'I am very pleased, should you have died I would have felt deeply wounded' Spock answered simply.

'Nice to know' Jim moaned as Bones entered the room with a huge smile.

'Hey mate, your back… gotta tell you I was worried for a while, glad you're all good though' he slapped Jim on the shoulder.

'See Spock, a little more like that' Jim motioned to Bones.

'I see… Jim I am very happy that your health is improving' Spock stated and slowly he curved his lips into a forced smile.

'Oh gee thanks' Jim mumbled rolling his eyes.

**A week later.**

Jim winced as he pulled the chocolate muffins from the replicator, he crossed to the table and placed them on it.

He was feeling much better if not a little sore; this cunning little plan of his was lifting his spirits though.

It had been spawned after a conversation with the older Spock. He had told Jim that he had felt very strongly for Jim, that apart from his mother and father and Uhura obviously, Jim was the closest person to him, as close as a brother. Jim had a twinge of jealousy towards his other self, that Jim had at least felt some sort of friendship from Spock.

The older Spock had also had a lengthy conversation about his father with Jim, Spock had admitted that his feelings were closer to the surface not only because he was half human, but because his father had displayed the same tendencies.

Of course Vulcan's felt much more deeply than humans, they just didn't express it, but Spock's father had when he married his mother, his grandfather was also known to show a little more emotion than the average Vulcan.

Jim had been doing research on Vulcan history, just because he was bored, he came up with some interesting things, like that Vulcan's were once a rather brutal tribe that functioned only on their emotions, until they learnt to lock it away with all that meditation, perhaps Spock's family had been a little less evolved than some of the others, Jim reasoned.

Jim had been watching Spock lately, after learning this information. He noticed the smallest amount of emotion on Spock's face, just small things, like his lip would twitch ever so slightly when Uhura walked in, or that when he asked Spock one too many of those illogical questions, a slight crinkle would form in his brow and his voice would change, hardly noticeable, but it was there. Jim also noticed that when Spock had been in a stressful situation small beads of sweat would form near his perfectly arranged hairline.

He also noticed that every time he winced in this past week Spock would straighten minutely and his movements would become that much more precise. Jim started wincing just for the joy of watching the reaction.

Besides this he had also found a very interesting fact when he did that Vulcan research. Vulcan's had a very interesting reaction to chocolate.

And it occurred to Kirk that although he had heard something about Vulcan's having green blood, and he had seen Spock bleed enough to know that was true, he had never seen a Vulcan blush…that would be green wouldn't it?

That's when he got his big idea.

He had spoken to McCoy about it, as he didn't want to just throw Spock in the deep end without a life line. McCoy had asked why Jim would want to get Spock drunk. Jim simply looked at him and mumbled 'do I have to make it an order?' Bones nodded and cooked up some strange yellowish greenish concoction that would cancel out the chocolate in Spock's blood if he did have a bad reaction.

Then Jim went about inviting Spock to his quarters for dinner. Spock had originally questioned Jim's intentions but Jim just passed it off as being lonely after his sick stint, Spock immediately launched into a lecture about how loneliness was an illogical human emotion, and Jim had pointed out that he was in fact human, they both argued for a while before Spock conceded his point and agreed to dinner.

He would arrive any moment now…

_A/N__ please review, I'll Have the next chapter up really soon. :D_


	2. Part 2  Shock Spock sober shot

_A/N__ I hope you enjoy this story, please leave some reviews. :D_

**Part 2 – Shock Spock Sober Shot.**

'Thank you Jim for such a lovely meal' Spock folded his knife and fork on his plate as he began to stand.

'Wait you're not going already are you?' Kirk frowned at his friend.

'You invited me for a meal and we have concluded, therefore I presume I should take my leave' Spock explained.

'Well it's rude to eat and run.

'I'm sorry if I have offended you' Spock tipped his face a little, a gesture that over the past week of Spock observing Jim had recognized as confusion.

He shook his head have you never been out for a meal with someone?' Jim sounded almost worried.

'Nyota has invited me on several occasions' Spock informed Jim.

'And you leave immediately after eating?' Jim chuckled.

'Not exactly' Spock stated.

'Not exactly?'

'She usually initiates some form of coitus' Spock told him.

'Oh…'

'And as I presume I shall not be expected to entertain you in that field I shall take my leave' Spock walked to pick up his jacket.

Jim laughed for a moment before he found words 'it's ok Spock, I just thought we could have a game of chess or something before you leave… you know some stimulating conversation'

'But conversation with you is not usually informative' Spock answered.

'Stimulating to the… ok just coz I'm not as smart as you, you don't have to rub it in my face… you have to play chess it's rude to just leave, and I have desert' Kirk shook his hands toward the chess board in frustration.

'I apologize' Spock removed his jacket and walked to sit by the chess board.

A moment later Jim joined him with the tray of muffins, Spock had already made the first move and looked curiously at the plate Jim offered.

'Are these chocolate muffins?' Spock questioned.

'Haven't you heard of Carob?' Jim asked, cunningly avoiding the question.

Spock looked at him blankly.

'You know carob, it tastes like chocolate but it's not' Jim answered.

'I have not heard of this carob you speak of' Spock told him.

Jim motioned back to the muffin. 'Try the muffin Spock' Jim stated a little more forcefully.

'Tell me of the carob' Spock asked as he bit into it.

'It's been used on earth for hundreds of years, for dog's, you know they can't eat chocolate either.'

Spock nodded 'this is most interesting' he mumbled as he chewed 'and the taste is delightful' Spock added.

'I'm glad you like it' Jim reached one for himself as he made his first move.

'That is a good move, you have a 56.3% success rate with that start' the Vulcan informed him enthusiastically.

Jim nodded and waited for Spock to make his move.

So far Jim was disappointed with the reaction, it wasn't until Spock's sixth move that he noticed Spock was rapidly losing his control.

His hand started shaking and then he handed his horse over to Jim without thought.

'May I have another' Spock's hand reached greedily forward to the muffins as he asked.

Jim was a little concerned that Spock might get sick, but remembering his Sober Spock Shot mix that McCoy had made he nodded.

It was ten minutes later that Spock was well on his way to drunkenness…

'Jim did you call me a canine before?' Spock asked matter of factly.

'What?' Jim looked at him.

'At the beginning of the game…you said you feed these to dogs, therefore were you calling me a dog?' Spock questioned, a small pout playing on his lips.

'No Spock you're not a dog' Kirk smiled with the new look he had pulled from Spock's face.

'I am glad of that' Spock stated as he moved his castle right into kirks queens line of attack. 'I had a dog once' Spock stated.

'You did?'

'Vulcan's do not own dogs, they require too much affection… but my mother told me that every child needs a dog… did you have a dog? My dogs name was Feeble, father said that a dog hampered my aspirations… what was your dog's name…? I can't remember did your dog have a name?' Spock paused and looked meaningfully at Jim.

'No I didn't have a dog' Jim replied more than a little bemused.

'I liked my dog very much… Feeble died when I was twelve… I buried him in the backyard…I miss Feeble' Spock sighed as he knocked a few pieces of the chess board, he dived to the ground after them.

'I am so sorry Captain… oh I'm so clumsy' Spock picked up the scattered pieces and heaped them back on central bored before falling back to the floor and looking at Jim with his eyebrows knitted together.

'Jim, I feel…funny?' Spock dropped his hands on his knees.

'You what?'

'It feels strange…and I feel happy' Spock smiled widely.

'Yes that can happen' Jim grinned.

'Do you like dancing?' Spock asked suddenly.

'Sometimes why?' Jim answered cautiously.

'I like dancing… Vulcan's don't dance, you won't tell anyone will you Jim? Don't tell them I like to dance' Spock climbed to his feet pleading with Jim as he used his legs to climb upright.

'I won't' Jim laughed.

'Do you promise?' Spock looked worried and leant far to close to Jim's personal space.

'I promise' Jim smiled stepping back a little.

'That's why you're my best friend… do you have music?' Spock asked.

'Yes' Jim nodded after Spock found the stereo remote and switched it on alone.

'Come and dance with me, I can dance, I like to dance, you should come dance with me' Spock told Jim as he started dancing in a way that Jim could only describe as boogeying.

'Just wait a sec Spock' Jim smiled as he flicked on his recorder.

'Look, I can be a robot' Spock started doing a robot dance that eventually morphed into the sprinkler.

'Yes I know you can be a robot' Jim laughed.

'Nyota likes dancing too' Spock told Jim as he stood on the table and boogied from up there. 'She does it with a pole, and not much clothes' Spock informed him. 'I don't like clothes, they are very restricting' Spock started pulling at the buttons on his shirt.

Jim decided to turn of the camera before this got any worse.

'Spock stop that, and get of my table!' Kirk laughed.

'You do not like my dancing?' Spock questioned sadly.

'It's not that' Jim smiled, helping the Vulcan down.

'I like it when you smile' Spock decided.

'What?'

'You don't smile like that often, you are to angry' Spock told him, as he tried to squish Jim's eyebrows into an angry look.

'Yes well… Spock! Jim reached for his friend as he thudded to the ground, 'You alright mate?' Jim questioned.

'Yes, my legs just stopped working, I feel fine though' Spock smiled.

'Ok c'mon' Jim pulled him over and flopped him on the couch.

Spock's face suddenly screwed up and looked sad.

'What's wrong?' Jim questioned.

'I think you bet me at chess' Spock stated in a whiney voice.

'Yes I think I did, and now you know exactly how I feel' Jim smiled.

'You're not very nice' Spock stated.

'Well neither are you usually' Jim noted.

'What do you mean?' Spock looked confused, he dropped his head almost fully to the side and his mouth fell open.

'I nearly died last week and you didn't even care' Jim answered.

'Yes I did'

'Not' Jim added.

'Did'

'Not

'Did!' Spock folded his arms.

'Not' Jim's lips curved into a smile as he saw Spock look worried again.

'Did care, to infinity so there' Spock pouted.

'Well you didn't show it'

'I'm u Vulcan we don't show it' Spock told him, 'That's the point'

'Well sometimes it makes me wonder' Jim mumbled as he sat on the coffee table.

'I love you Jim' Spock decided

'What?'

'You say that lots' Spock noted.

'Yes well drunk Spock says lots of silly things' Jim smiled.

'It's not silly, I do, I liked you since you bet my test… I admired you when you tricked me out of my captaincy, but I love you now' Spock explained. 'And you love me... you told me so'

'No I didn't'

'Humans always tell people.'

Jim shook his head 'I thought Vulcan's thought love was illogical'

'Well like you keep saying I'm half human, and I never had a brother, and I love you' Spock told him.

'Yes well sometimes I doubt that' Jim smiled teasing him.

Spock thought for a long moment.

'Well I do' he decided. 'I regret I didn't tell you that, when you almost died I thought I should tell you, but now you're ok' Spock decided. And then something like realization dawned on his face.

'Did you say I'm drunk?' Spock questioned.

Jim nodded.

Another moment passed.

'Was those muffins got chocolate in them?' Spock questioned.

Once again Jim nodded guiltily.

'Why would you be so nasty?' Spock asked sadly.

'Because I almost died and you didn't even look happy to see me, I just wanted to see an emotion, and I thought it'd be funny.'

Spock thought for a moment 'I have an idea' he reached for Jims face.

'How drunk are you?' Jim pulled back.

'I already told you I am not engaging in coitus with you… I want to show you something. Spock looked sad again.

Jim nodded and allowed Spock to place his fingers on his face.

Spock's thoughts were a little confusing, that probably had something to do with him being drunk. But when he was done Jim was sure of one thing, Spock did feel an awful lot, and he did care an awful lot, and Vulcan's were pretty screwed up.

'Wow' Jim shook his head.

'Jim?' Spock wobbled a little.

'Yeah' Jim was still blinking his eyes trying to adjust to what he had just saw and felt.

'I feel very ill' Spock's hands were crossed over his stomach 'can you make it go away?' he looked pleadingly at Jim.

'Yeah I think so, just one last thing'

'What?' Spock smiled.

'Wait there' Jim crossed to the table and picked up his camera before returning in front of Spock again.

'Spock?' he asked.

Spock looked up at him with incredulous eyes. 'Yes captain?'

'The mind meld was really interesting…I especially liked those visions of Nyota and the pole dancing' he stated.

First Spock looked confused and then a deep green color stained up his neck to his cheeks and the tips of his ears.

Jim clicked the camera and then stepped forward and injected McCoy's 'Shock Spock Sober shot' into his neck.

Spock looked confused for a moment and then quickly rearranged his mussed hair.

'Captain…I have embarrassed myself greatly' Spock quickly stood and straightened his shirt, 'I must leave immediately' he turned to walk away and caught his reflection in the mirror, and looked horrified.

He turned to Jim and apologized again before diving to the door.

Jim thought three things.

One - seeing Spock drunk was hilarious.

Two – Vulcan's did have feelings.

Three - Uhura was hot with a pole.

Oh and Vulcan's did blush green, maybe he'd have to run a copy of that photo and put it in everyone's briefing notes… accidently of course.

_A/N__ thanks for reading guys, I hope you enjoyed it, please leave a review. Also I'm thinking about writing one last part about Spock confronting Kirk about it and everyone seeing the picture, let me know if you're interested and I'll write it. :D_


	3. Chapter 3 Photo

_**A/N**__ ok so I worrte this chapter because you guys asked for it, however it's a little more OOC than the others, (if that's at all possible) and no to those who asked, or were thinking it…they're not at all gay, sorry if I gave that impression. Anyways please enjoy._

**The Picture.**

Bones stared at Jim for a long while, and Jim eventually looked around the room and noticed most of the crew had their eyes glued to him apart from Uhura who's eyes were glued to Spock, and Spock's which were looking at the control panel without much interest.

'Are you going to say anything about that?' Bones questioned.

'About what?' Jim asked as he chewed his apple cautiously.

'Did you not understand?' Bones asked.

'Understand what?' Jim looked confused.

'Mister Spock jhust implied dat zure brain iz undeveloped' Chekov explained.

'No he implied that your manhood isn't as big as his' Sulu corrected.

Jim thought back to what Spock had actually said.

_Oh that's right he remembers, he had been once again whining about how the Starfleet wouldn't give him one of those new ships, it was much bigger and had almost twice the warp speed and Jim was saying that the universe or luck or whatever was against him. Spock had obviously gotten sick of Jim talking about it because he looked to Jim and said._

'_It is not conceivable to think the universe is sentient, let alone that it would display a negative emotion against you Captain, to think such a thing only serves to confirm that your mind is rather undeveloped'_

'_Spock…I wanna big ship ok' Jim had retorted simply._

'_And does the terran culture not have an opinion about people who have a preference towards larger faster more showy displays of their mechanical transportation?'_

_Jim looked dumbly at Spock before he elaborated._

'_They are trying to over develop their material wealth in order to hide their embarrassment of their underdeveloped body parts'_

'_Don't you want a bigger ship too?' Jim had whined._

'_I have no need for one' Spock stated before turning back to his work station._

And that's how Jim had ended up with half the bridge staring at him.

'Oh right that' Jim nodded 'Nah its cool, I don't need to defend myself' he shrugged.

'You broke me nose capt'n last time I made a similar comment' Scotty told him.

'Yeah… but it's different, Spock's just trying to cover up his own embarrassment' Kirk explained.

Jim was going to go back to doing captainy things when he saw Bones cross his arms and stare at him.

'Care to elaborate?'

'Not particularly' Jim smiled.

'Spock's been getting away with everything lately' Sulu decided.

Bones sent Jim another look and Jim looked to Spock.

'Well like I said, I embarrassed Spock and he hasn't been the best sport about it you know'

'Vat happened?' Chekov asked.

'I assure you Captain, I was not embarrassed, my actions were completely understandable considering the situation, I was merely displeased' Spock stated.

'Understandable huh?' Jim laughed.

He hadn't planned to share his information, but he decided Spock had been a little short since the situation and it couldn't really get any worse so he decided to share.

'Spock gave me a strip dance' Jim announced.

Uhura's eyes flew to Spock and he slightly nodded in admittance.

'What the hell, why?' she asked aloud.

'I vas not aware zat you batted for ze ozza team' Chekov said in astonishment.

'He also confessed that he loved me' Jim stated proudly.

Nyota was now sending daggers Spock's way.

'I do not play sports, and as a Vulcan I do not feel love, however I do find your company pleasing on SOME occasions' Spock stated.

'You find me endearing' Jim said.

'You are not always objectionable, but currently I find you most annoying' Spock said.

'Does this have something to do with that concoction you had me make?' Bones asked.

'Maybe… Gee Bones you shoulda seen it' Jim grinned.

'You told Jim you love him?' Uhura stated coldly.

'I was merely attempting to convey my fondness for him, it is a fondness that I hold for each and every member of this crew' Spock answered.

'Yeah but he SAID he loves ME' Kirk said cockily.

Uhura looked hurt so he counteracted his comment 'Oh but he did this weird thing…' he held his hand up and pushed it on his head 'And I could see what he was thinking… he likes you best, un-barebly so actually…he also really likes what you do with that pole' Jim smirked.

'What!' she looked at Spock with anger.

'I do not take responsibility for my actions' Spock said.

'Yeah calm down, I got him drunk' Jim admitted.

'I thought Vulcans didn't get drunk?' Scotty said.

'They do on chocolate' Jim informed him.

'Really?' Scotty pulled an interested face.

'Yeah' Jim nodded.

'Oh man that would've been something to see' Sulu chuckled.

'Oh well actually….' Jim fiddled with his PADD.

Spock dived over his work station and attempted to snatch the PADD from Jim's hands, but it was too late, the photo was uploaded onto the screen above their heads.

'Oh wow!' Bones smiled as he clapped his friend on the shoulder.

There was silence as the rest of the bridge stared at the picture, Spock was actually laughing, eyes unfocused, deep dimples, hair messy and looking entirely un-Vulcan side from the green tinge that covered his face and ears.

'Zat is really sumzing!' Chekov said.

Sulu was simply laughing, as was Scotty who was holding his stomach nearly doubled over.

'Wow the hobgoblin can smile' Bones laughed.

'May I remind you captain that it is against regulations to keep your personal files on the ships PADDs they are solely for the use of recording and transmitting data found by the Starfleet' Spock said calmly, but with a distinct tone of annoyance.

'Spock, you're a Starfleet officer, and a smiling Vulcan is a new finding' Jim laughed.

Spock looked around the room and fought not to let his face blush with his very human emotion of embarrassment.

'Aye I think the color suits you' Scotty laughed.

And Spock could no longer be sure whether he was referring to the picture or Spock's face now.

'Seeing as you have all gone hysterical, I shall take my leave' Spock stated as he made way for the turbo lift.

Uhura looked worried after him. 'Captain, may I be dismissed?' she asked.

'Sure… just one thing' he pulled a hypospray from his pocket and threw it at her.

'What is this?' she asked.

'Well, I'm telling you it was fun, but I don't think Spock would willingly do it again… however, Bones made this… pure chocolate' he winked at her.

She smiled and gripped it tight 'I'm sure I will have no use for it'

'Yeah I'm sure' he grinned.

Jim caught Bones's eye and sobered for a moment, he could see the mild regret from the doctor for his actions, and Jim knew they would talk about it later, Bones would comment that it was cruel to embarrass Spock, Jim would counter that with the defense that Spock did it daily with his little remarks, Bones would mildly disapprove, and Jim would share the video because even though he promised Spock, Spock also knew that Bones wasn't excluded from ANY knowledge Jim had.

So for now Jim went back to laughing.

It was at lunch the next day that Jim was waiting for his two friends to join him when he heard Spock placing an order for a specialized hypospray, Jim smiled broadly as they crossed to him.

'Had fun then did we?' Jim grinned.

'I had a most pleasurable evening' Spock smiled.

'So we all good?' Jim asked cautiously.

'If you refer to my disapproval yes, I have forgiven you… that is not to diminish the meaning of the terran saying… _revenge is sweet, and a dish best served cold'S_spock said, and then he graced the table with a minute twitch of his lips, which was in sober Spock terms a whopping smile.

Later that evening Jim received a message from Nyota, it was labeled. DO NOT LET JIM GET HOLD OF THESE. He smiled and opened it.

Pictures… a dozen good pictures and all he could think was.

_Wow these are great, looks like Spock's enjoying karaoke…. Is he eating his stir fry with glow sticks? How do you twist your face like that? Never knew Spock was a Michael Jackson fan…. he can moonwalk? Who does that much history research? He's rather good at boogeying… no wait are they really fairy wings?_

Jim almost dropped his PADD when Spock approached him from behind and calmly enquired about a game of chess.

Jim winced, knowing that there was more behind the invitation.

'Sure Spock just a sec' he forded the video he had of Spock to Uhura, and made note that he would buy her a very big basket filled with chocolates.

'Right Spock… ready for a game then?' Jim headed towards the turbo lift.

'Indeed, I intend to win' Spock said following closely behind him.

Jim groaned knowing for sure now that Spock was defiantly not referring to the chess game alone.

_**A/N**__ Ok please review, I'm not writing anymore on this story because I want to start a StarTreck one about them accidently bonding, and all the trouble Jim gets Spock into. I know it's been done before, but hopefully mine will make you laugh if you decide to read it anyway. :D however I am currently moving, so forgive me if I don't upload anything for a little while. :D_


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